So, I’ve been on this new diet lifestyle for 2 days now. It’s definitely agreeing with me and, after only two days, I can see the errors of my eating ways, and how gravely they were affecting me on so many levels — physical, emotional, energetic….

The only change Nutritionist, Lori, wants me to make this first week is breakfast. I’m supposed to eat one of the balanced breakfasts among her long list. So, two days in a row, I’ve had an egg, a piece of Ezekiel bread, an oz of cheese and an apple. Starting off with this balanced meal sets me up for the day. And, it’s quicker and easier to make than I thought it would be!

My friends don’t seem to understand just WHY I need to quit my Starbucks-chai-tea-latte breakfast — because, really, it’s not THAT BAD calorie-wise, and I DO take it with nonfat milk (or soy milk). But, the problem is, that evil drink SPIKES my blood sugar, throwing me out of balance. It’s a drug, A CRUTCH, for me — hence I chug it, am absolutely incapable of calmly sipping it. I IDENTIFY with this silly drink. It’s my ESCAPE. My cup of ADULT in this toddler/baby world I’m ensconced in.

Now that I realize all this, I have to change it. I canNOT depend on a drink to do all that for me. And, besides, BALANCE, I’m learning, and not ESCAPE is the way to go. When I have that chai, I crave sugar for the rest of the day — “pant pant pant sugar sugar gimme sugar where’s my sugar another chai need another chai more MORE MOOOOORE!” I CRAVE that HIGH ALL DAY. With a balanced breakfast, I crave balance all day, and the satisfied feeling that balanced breakfast gives me. Also, the balanced breakfast makes me more apt to recognize when I’m off balance — like right now, as a matter of fact, because I’m so tired from WAY overextending myself lately! MUST GET MORE SLEEP!

So, balance. Yoga off the mat. Don’t get me wrong, Gorgeouses, renouncing The Chai is NOT EASY, no matter how easy I make it sound! Today, Gorgeouses, I had to work HARD to resist her. I was a like a toddler whose favourite toy has been taken away. I WAAAAAAN IT, and I want it BAD. But, I persevered and managed to get through the day chai…FREE.

I always thought that “dieting” meant denying myself the things I love. But, the things I love are CRUTCHES, ADDICTIONS. And, I need to liberate myself from these addictions. Freedom is in the healthy foods, and not the stuff that WEIGHS US DOWN — the donuts, the cookies, the CHAAAAIIIIIs we WISH we could have copious amounts of!

I’m a yoga teacher. Time to get back on track as an example for my students. The goal is liberation. Freedom from the material. Renouncing that chai is an act of freedom. Goodbye CHAI. You suck arse.

So, HUGE NEWS, Kitchen Gorgeouses! Nutritionist LORI is going to motivate us with monthly contributions, to start. When she has more time, i.e., AFTER SHE HAS HER BABY, she’ll do more — perhaps WEEKLY!

Just so you know, Lori is AWESOME. So many of my friends are on her diet, and they SWEAR BY IT. She’s a “holistic nutritionist” — which means she has an eye on OVERALL health and not just on weight loss. You’ll love her.

More on Lori AND the diet later. For now, a recipe for a BALANCED breakfast that will make you feel as good as I do now. As Lori says, the first thing to do when you’re changing your lifestyle is to change your breakfast. Eat a balanced breakfast within one hour of waking up. Check it!

LORI’S SHAKE TO GO

Ingredients:

1/2 c rice milk (substitute 1% Regular Milk or Soy Milk)
1/4 c water
1 scoop protein powder (I use Hemp Protein powder because I’m a nutball….)
1/2 c blueberries
1 c strawberries
2 tsp flaxseed oil

Blend until smooth! Et VOILA! Enjoy.

I haven’t tried this recipe yet. But, I bought all the ingredients, see?!

Healthy healthy! And, low maintenance — I’m not, like, juicing or growing my own vegetables and sprouts. Will try it tomorrow.

NOTE: Not every diet suits everyone. What you’re reading here, of course, are my reflections. Talk to your doctor, of course, and don’t take these words as Truth. There is no truth. THERE IS NO SPOOOON!

The other day, I was feeling a little adventurous, so bought a package of whole-wheat wraps. AVID lover of bread that I am, I’ve never really gotten into The Wrap. I mean, what’s the point — other than shaving some carbs off your daily count? But, this weekend, I discovered the beauty of The Wrap: it’s not the wrap, but what’s inside that counts. Packed properly, with the right combo and placement of filling, the wrap can be a very delicious thing.

ACCORDINGLY, I am addicted to this little wrap concoction of mine, so I thought I’d share. It involves a LITTLE washing-and-slicing-of-the-vegetables, of which I’m not a fan, but the end result is worth it. And, it’s vegetarian, so no animals were harmed in it’s making. Check it.

Ingredients:

- Whole Wheat Wrap (for all the dieting Gorgeouses out there);
- Avocado
- Tomato (I use a small plum tomato because I pretty-much LOATHE the tomato; but it works here)
- Lettuce (one big leaf is plenty)
- Low-fat cheese (shredded if available)
- AMY’S CALIFORNIA BURGER (WHICH, if you haven’t tried it, is so YUM — and it’s sans soy….)

So here’s what you do:

1. Spread the avocado on the wrap (pretend it’s butter — really really HEALTHY butter).

2. Spread all the other ingredients in a line in the centre of the wrap, like so….

Eww…. It looks pretty GNARSTY in picture. So, you’ll have to trust me that it’s great.

3. Roll it up.
4. Cut in half so you can see the pretty cross-section….

Look how PROFESSIONAL!

5. ENJOY!

Et voila! The perfect wrap. Try it! And, let me know how you like it!

…Yeah. That just about sums up my day.

So, yeah. I’m still in a funk.

Don’t you LOVE it, Gorgeouses? Isn’t that why you come here. Or, should I shut it already and just give the people WHAT THE PEOPLE WANT!:

There. Happy now? Worth your time stopping by?

Anyway, I’m still feeling a little postpartum-y. Today, I cried. CRIED. At the idea of going on vacation. See, I decided I want to go somewhere sunny with palm trees and ocean SO BADLY. And, know what? I want to go by myself.

All by myself.

I want to go to some remote (safe) sunny spot all by myself. I want to sit on the beach, stare at the ocean, for, like, 4 straight days. I want to fill my nose with SEA freaking BREEZE and just veg. No responsibilities. No noise (except waves and the sweet chirping of island birds). And, all the NON-VIRGIN NON-CALORIE piña coladas I can drink WITHOUT GETTING SICK. Oh, and Clive Owen (in FULL ELIZABETHAN GARB) fanning me with palm leaves.

Love…. And, yes yes I know I posted this pic already THIS WEEK (no less). But, I’m hurting. And, he, like, makes it better.

So, it’s a bit of a fantasy (duh). And, it makes me cry to think that it will never ever happen. Unless…, well, how much do you think I’d have to pay Clive to fan me? And, do you think it’d be extra for the Elizabethan garb?

As I was saying…. At the very least, I NEED a vacation. Would LOVE to go to some remote island. Where it’s sunny. And, there’s ocean.

Since I’ll be nursing for a year, this can’t happen till the Fall, at least. But, I think I’m serious about it. I think I need it. I think it’ll make me happy. Life’s short. I need a REAL break. And a tan. I could really use a tan. And a haircut (must book appointment tomorrow…).

In the meantime, I put way too much pressure on myself, and I’m convinced that THIS is exactly what’s getting to me. I put pressure on myself to be the perfect mom, perfect wife — I mean, amid all the chaos that is MY LIFE, I made THIS today? Like, excuse me?:

I really need to take a food photography class because my food always looks like vomit in pictures. Kind of like my nose…. Anyway, that’s cornflake-crusted chicken and rice with vegetables. I stood there with SORE FEET and VAJEEJEJEJEEEEJEEE baking SIX CHICKEN BREASTS.

And, yesterday, IN PRIME FUNKDOME, I made a quiche (AND the monkey loved it — of course, not realizing there was an ENTIRE package of spinach in it, mwhahahaha!):

Yes, I know. The composition of this photo is brillers. The over-buttered bread (of Josh-O), the lone knife on the plate — fancay! The burnt bit. Total brills. YUM!

….and, I’m putting way too much pressure on myself to get into shape again. Whole. Body. Aches.

So, I’m taking it easy.

I’m not going to the gym tomorrow.

No.

I’m going for a leisurely walk to work the bod AND ease the soul.

With him:

Can you believe HOW BIG??? Oh and HE ROLLED ONTO HIS TUMMY TODAY! Yay Rascal!

Then, we’ll pick up the monkey from preschool, and we’ll go somewhere FUN for all. Maybe I’ll even buy myself something…. And, maybe I’ll buy the monkey a little tea set and play tea party with her because it’s so dang freaking adorable.

Yeah. Tomorrow’s going to be a good day.

As promised….

The monkey’s been breastfeeLING the rascal!!!!! She’s got one thumb in her mouth and the other HAND DOWN HIS SHIRT. OY!:

Oy, CHIN!

Monkey to Josh-O: No. I’m NOT shaving today……..

Guess what I have playing OVER AND OVER in my head?

Give up?

Well, I don’t blame you for not guessing it right because it’s not a song.

No. It’s a FREAKING SENTENCE. In a FREAKING FRENCH ACCENT:

“If you wish to see the chef, you will have to wait until all the other customer have gone.”

OVER AND OVER…and OVER my HEAD!

Of course, it’s from my monkey’s favourite movie, Ratatouille, WHICH we have watched almost every day since we got it. We got it some time in December.

“Anton Ego is just another customer. LEZ COOK!”

ARRRRRRRRRRGH!!!!

It won’t stop!

A-NY-WAY. I can still talk to you, even though I have Collette babbling away in my head….

So, this weekend? Some interesting things transpired.

I drank my first Starbucks Chai Tea Latte of 2008…. Yes I did. I had it with soy milk — mmmm….so creammmy and sweet! Why am I not freaking out at myself in my usual self-denigrating style? Because I’m happy about it.

Once a week, Gorgeouses. I’m allowing myself my favourite thing in the whole world once a week. Because this diet thing sucks. Yes, BECAUSE this diet thing sucks, I’m allowing myself one day a week to have my favourite things. And, that day would be Saturday.

So, this Saturday, I sipped my chai in a new way: savouring every single little sip! I enjoyed my favourite Italian grilled vegetable sandwich. And, I munched on my favourite Sunspire Sundrops (the all-natural edition of M&Ms). Mmmmm….

I also mixed all these treats with a healthy dose of speed walking (not the geeky kind), and a healthy, home-cooked dinner. Check it…CHILEH:

That looks a bit like vomit, doesn’t it…. Well, it tasted better than it looks. Josh-O and the monkey loved it. So there!

I also bought a pilates DVDV (as the monkey calls it…hee!). We’ll see how that goes.

And, in other news….

Today, at a 9:30am birthday party (thankyouverymuch), I resisted THIS:

And, instead had this:

How very, very boring of me.

Hmph…, cheaty little monkey….

“If you wish to see the chef, you will have to wait until all the other customer have gone.”