Everyone LOVES a sleeping monkey. There’s nothing sweeter, quieter or more peaceful. Best of all, monkeys DON’T EAT when they’re sleeping.

Don’t EAT when they’re sleeping? Huh? So? That’s right. That cheaty little rascal has been sucking the life out of meboooobies today. He’s been going for, like, hours, and with, like, one hour of non-eating or fussing in between. I know, I know. Growth spurt. But, DUDE, I’m exhausted. And, I’m boiling hot right now…. But, he’s sleeping. Which means I can write something. Something probably illegible.

Don’t EAT when they’re sleeping? That’s right. I finally got a break from feeding that ravenous little rascal to make dinner for his cheaty little sister.

Ahhh, eggs. One forgets how GOSHDARNDIT EASY they are to make — perfect dinner. Bought pre-diced veggies. Dumped them into pan with spray canola oil. Poured liquid egg from fancy omega-3 brand over the veggies. Cooked. Placed slices of cheese over top and broiled. Yum. Baked sweet potato fries on the side….

Come on in, and see what happened when I went to put food on the table. But, first, watch your step on the way to the kitchen….

Okay, now, check it. Absolutely no interest in slaved-on dinner…because sleeping….

Needless to say, when I coaxed her awake, she wanted NOTHING to do with food. Except yogurt, which she ate with much success. Until I decided to taste it and noticed it was BAD! Like sour, stinking BAD! Ugh. She’s fine. Still in a deep sleep.

Also sleeping deeply beside me…. The-boy-who-won’t-stop-eating. Unless, of course, he’s sleeping….

Closeup the first….

Closeup the second….

So, do I sound tired? It’s ridiculous how tired am. Josh-O’s coming home any minute now from a 4-day vacay in Vegas. I say “vacay,” but it was really for work. ‘Cept whenever I called or he called he was on his way to, or already at, a poker game. If he complains that he’s tired EVEN once, I’m posting a nudie pic of him! Consider yourself WARNED, JOSH-O!

Oh, but look! He just got home and gave me THIS:

Clothes can definitely buy love….

And, yes, the rascal is now awake.

TO FEED!

LOVE…. xo Haley-O

In response to yesterday’s post, I got lots of emails and comments asking “WHY WHY WHYYY forgo the CHAIII”!? You wanted to know why I couldn’t just opt for the “skinny” chai, and call it a day. Oh, I wish it were that simple.

First of all, I do order the skinny chai. Either that, or I order the soy, which has basically the same number of calories. I would NEVAH order anything from Starbucks that wasn’t either nonfat or soy. NEVAH! You see, for me, it’s not the calories or the fat that’s the problem; it’s the SUGAR. There is an OBSCENE amount of sugar in the chai tea latte. And, while that’s aiight for some (most) people, it doesn’t fly with me. At least not now, when I have so many preggers pounds to shed. My new theory is that all that sugar is ruining my appetite for anything healthy the rest of the day. You know what I mean? So, it’s not that easy for me to have JUST THE CHAI, and not that delectable holiday loaf or blueberry muffin…. No, that chai is totally CRACK, Gorgeouses, and even you said it in your comments. It’s all CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK! It’s CRACK!

CRACK!

And, I am addicted. Hopelessly. So, I DEFINITELY have to quit it cold turkey if I ever want to get back into shape again. I just KNOW IT. Trust me on this, Gorgeouses, there’s no halfway. I need to quit. QUIT. QUIT. Totally.

So, I’m technically in withdrawal right now. It’s been two days.

My strategy has been to smoke cigarettes instead…. I KID!

I’ve been having the tazo chai TEA BAGS — aka boooooooorrrring! — instead.

And, at night, I’m enjoying another boooooring tea….

To spice up my fabulously boooooorrrring teas, I’ve been using my handy-dandy Starbucks mug, which it’sgrandma bought me for Hanukkah (can you say, “PERFECT GIFT”!):

I love cupping it in my hands. Mmmm. Comfort.

By the way, I think the rascal’s in Starbucks withdrawal, too…BECAUSE HE’S BEEN CRYING ALL FRIKKIN EVENING! I was crying myself because the constant WAHH-ing so NERVE-GRATING! Aaaaaarrrrrgh!

I don’t know what the rascal’s story is tonight. He’s reeeeeeeaaally fussy. He’s sleeping on Josh-O’s chest right now, though. So, ahhhhh!

I also have an update on the blender situation. Because I know you’ve all been sitting on the edge of your seat in suspense. What WILL she do about her blender???!!!???

NEW BLENDER NEW BLENDER NEW BLENDER NEW BLENDER!

And, it’s even better than the last one in so VERY many ways! Check it:

We exchanged our KitchenAid and got the Breville blender. Even Josh-O is in love with it. And, he was in love with the last one! (It was SO hard to convince him that the plastic issue was a good reason to schlep back to crowded Yorkdale and return it…. He totally thought I was having one of my WACKO episodes.) Anyway, the Breville is apparently the King of All Blenders — with the latest technology, etc..

And, the jar is glass. Love.

Amid all the crying tonight, I managed to get out a good long gossip roundup — loads of gossip and pictures there! CHECK IT:

And, GORGEOUSES…..

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Thank you so much for being the best readers in the world this year. I totally love you! Yes, you! LOVE! Looking forward to a GREAT 2008!

Have fun tonight!

xoxoxo Haley-O

Look at him….

He sleeps…. Yes. He now sleeps for more than 20 minute bouts at night ‘cuz, the other day, I rediscovered the beautiful art of swaddling. He’s been sleeping all swaddled like this for, like, FOUR hours now. “Why aren’t I sleeping, then,” you ask? Because I had a nice long nap today. And, because I’m FREAKING addicted to this:

The sugar! The chocolaty goodness! Ohhhhmmmm….Bliss….La. I suppose it’s part of my WeightWatchers Online diet (speaking of which, I lost FOUR POUNDS this week!). But, I could be eating or drinking healthier or lower-caloric things instead, you know? I’m WIRED from this stuff. I’m telling you. And, as of now, I’m KICKING it out of my house. BOOT!

A-ny-way….

You recommended that I use my sling a little more to soothe the ever crying rascal. Until now, I’ve only been using my beloved Pippalily sling when I go walking (outside, mall-shopping, etc.). But, you’re right, I TOTALLY need it in the house, too. When the rascal’s having one of his “crying marathons,” he needs to be ON me. So, check it: this evening, I made dinner…with him ON me:

Look how into it he is! He was awake the whole time. Watching EVERYTHING. He was totally fascinated….

Like, wazzup with his hair line? He’s a total MONK! Ha! LOVE!

So, yes, the sling idea was BRILLERS. Thank you. Mwah!

I’ve been cooking every day. It helps with the diet…. Wanna see what I cooked tonight? It was deelish, and, of course, I snuck some pureed cauliflower in it….

It’s a salmon-noodle dish. And, it’s FAB. I got the recipe from this, one of my FAVE cookbooks (click the pic for deets):

Cheaty HIGHLY recommends!

Want gossip? Check it — at CHEATY’S CELEBRITY GOSSIP! You’ll never guess what celebrity I ran into the other day!?

Should I apologize for yesterday’s post or just let it be? Ha!

Actually, it’s one of my favourites lately. Know why? Because I DON’T KNOW WHO WROTE IT. It’s like I was hypnotized or dreaming while I wrote it…. I read it again today, and I was, like, “whah?”! Still, I LIKED it. I really LIKED it! And, it’s rare that I really like what I write. I had NO CONTROL over that one, friends. And, isn’t that what writing and blogging’s about? This blog’s supposed to be honest, supposed to be about me — conscious(ish) or not.

Also, booHOO, I have a cold. So, I’m not only beyond exhausted, but I’m feeling LIKE ARSE to boot. And, and, AND! The rascal’s TOTALLY having a growth spurt; hence, I might as well not wear a bra, or leave the house, or blog…. I’m nursing so much I feel like I’m going to vomit. LOVE!

So, I have to thank you.

…Have to thank you for sticking around while I go through this no-sleep, disjointed, CARAZAY WRITING phase.

Yes, it is with many thanks that I give you this….THE RASCAL WITH EYES OPEN (and with the GORJ it’sgrandma):

and, THIS:

Yes…. I may be officially CARAZAY because of that wide-eyed little rascal, but, at least I have A NEW CAMERA!!! It’s a Canon. Check it I LOVE IT:

I love it! See? Look at this picture I took with MY NEW CAMERA!:

Don’t you just love how toddlers lie down to sleep, like, ANYWHERE they want? Apparently, the monkey was a little tired today….

Ahhh, he sleeps…. For the moment….

He sleeps in his new chair. I bought it for him today. Like a zombie, I haunted the aisles of Toys R’ Us until I found it…. The perfect chair for my little rascal (and, it happens to convert to a toddler chair for Miss Monkey to enjoy, too! Life doesn’t get much better than THAT):

Zzzzzz…. I’d go to sleep, too. But, HE DOESN’T FOOL ME. He’ll be up in 5 minutes for a BOOOOBIE.

Oh, and, you TOTALLY have to see this.

I’m a pretty good cook, I’d say. I mean, when I make the effort, I’m not bad. But, this lack of sleep thing is not only killing my writing, but it’s killing my cooking! I tried to make the “Tofu Nuggets” from Jessica Seinfeld’s Deceptively Delicious, and here’s what happened….

What was supposed to look like this….

Turned out…

like…

THIS….

YES, it tasted as gross as it looks. Josh-O graciously ate it. The monkey wouldn’t touch it….

I need sleep. OBVIOUSLY. And, I need to get rid of this cold….

I hope I get more than one hour tonight…. I really need that.

I’m so out of it.

And, how are YOU?

There’s something about dads. Especially HOT dads. What is it? What is it about a guy and a baby that makes us go GAGA?

Even Josh-O looks adorabler when he’s hangin’ with the monkey…!

So, I decided to spice things up today and bring you some of my fave hot daddies! Unfortunately, I spent TOO long compiling (and enjoying) these photos, that I don’t have much time to talk tonight — and the rascal’s suddenly a’stirring! But, these photos do, indeed, speak for themselves…. HO-O-O-T!!! and SO ‘DORABLE!!!

13 OF HOLLYWOOD’S HOTTEST DADDIES:

1. BRADLEY….

2. PATRICK….

3. WILL….

4. JOHNNY….

5. SEAL….

6. BEN….

7. NIGEL (BARKER — from America’s Next Top Model!!!)….

8. STEVE (CARELL)….

9. JUDE….

10. JACK….

11. MATT….

12. JASON BATEMAN….

13. ADAM SANDLER….

HOPE YOU ENJOYED…!!! There are MANY MANY more hot daddies. Mark Wahlberg comes to mind, as does Heath Ledger and, of course, CLIVE OWEN — mmmmm…. CLIVE would have been #1 on my list; but, I couldn’t find a single pic of him with his kids (he has two daughters)…. But, I’d happily settle for this pic if you will?:

Or, how ’bout this?:

Or,this?

OH! By the way! My “GREEN NOONOOL” recipe from yesterday? I MADE IT UP. It was, as I said, “INSPIRED” by the Jessica Seinfeld book, and not actually taken from there. So, please don’t get mad at me when you don’t find it in the book! I actually haven’t tried a single recipe from Seinfeld’s book yet. But, I’ve enjoyed looking at all the pictures…! And, I’ve definitely learned stuff from it. Lots of stuff! If you want the recipe — MY RECIPE (WEEEE!) — for GREEN NOONOOLS, email me! It was awesome. LOVE!

And, one more thing…. Someone is VERY CONSPICUOUSLY missing from my list of hot Hollywood daddies…. But, I thought he deserved to be in a category all his own….

HOLLYWOOD’S MOST AWKWARD DADDY:

TOM….

One last thing…. Do you love him? He’s not a daddy, but look how cute:

…Minden’s VERY jealous of the rascal, even though I give him TONS of attention (it’s hard not to when he’s ALL OVER ME!). He’s all threatened because there’s another “boy” in the house…. He knows Josh-O’s NO COMPETITION, but he’s not quite sure about the rascal…. So, tell him YOU LOVE HIM. Thanks. It means a lot. Love!