Everyone LOVES a sleeping monkey. There’s nothing sweeter, quieter or more peaceful. Best of all, monkeys DON’T EAT when they’re sleeping.

Don’t EAT when they’re sleeping? Huh? So? That’s right. That cheaty little rascal has been sucking the life out of meboooobies today. He’s been going for, like, hours, and with, like, one hour of non-eating or fussing in between. I know, I know. Growth spurt. But, DUDE, I’m exhausted. And, I’m boiling hot right now…. But, he’s sleeping. Which means I can write something. Something probably illegible.

Don’t EAT when they’re sleeping? That’s right. I finally got a break from feeding that ravenous little rascal to make dinner for his cheaty little sister.

Ahhh, eggs. One forgets how GOSHDARNDIT EASY they are to make — perfect dinner. Bought pre-diced veggies. Dumped them into pan with spray canola oil. Poured liquid egg from fancy omega-3 brand over the veggies. Cooked. Placed slices of cheese over top and broiled. Yum. Baked sweet potato fries on the side….

Come on in, and see what happened when I went to put food on the table. But, first, watch your step on the way to the kitchen….

Okay, now, check it. Absolutely no interest in slaved-on dinner…because sleeping….

Needless to say, when I coaxed her awake, she wanted NOTHING to do with food. Except yogurt, which she ate with much success. Until I decided to taste it and noticed it was BAD! Like sour, stinking BAD! Ugh. She’s fine. Still in a deep sleep.

Also sleeping deeply beside me…. The-boy-who-won’t-stop-eating. Unless, of course, he’s sleeping….

Closeup the first….

Closeup the second….

So, do I sound tired? It’s ridiculous how tired am. Josh-O’s coming home any minute now from a 4-day vacay in Vegas. I say “vacay,” but it was really for work. ‘Cept whenever I called or he called he was on his way to, or already at, a poker game. If he complains that he’s tired EVEN once, I’m posting a nudie pic of him! Consider yourself WARNED, JOSH-O!

Oh, but look! He just got home and gave me THIS:

Clothes can definitely buy love….

And, yes, the rascal is now awake.

TO FEED!

LOVE…. xo Haley-O

…Yeah. That just about sums up my day.

So, yeah. I’m still in a funk.

Don’t you LOVE it, Gorgeouses? Isn’t that why you come here. Or, should I shut it already and just give the people WHAT THE PEOPLE WANT!:

There. Happy now? Worth your time stopping by?

Anyway, I’m still feeling a little postpartum-y. Today, I cried. CRIED. At the idea of going on vacation. See, I decided I want to go somewhere sunny with palm trees and ocean SO BADLY. And, know what? I want to go by myself.

All by myself.

I want to go to some remote (safe) sunny spot all by myself. I want to sit on the beach, stare at the ocean, for, like, 4 straight days. I want to fill my nose with SEA freaking BREEZE and just veg. No responsibilities. No noise (except waves and the sweet chirping of island birds). And, all the NON-VIRGIN NON-CALORIE piña coladas I can drink WITHOUT GETTING SICK. Oh, and Clive Owen (in FULL ELIZABETHAN GARB) fanning me with palm leaves.

Love…. And, yes yes I know I posted this pic already THIS WEEK (no less). But, I’m hurting. And, he, like, makes it better.

So, it’s a bit of a fantasy (duh). And, it makes me cry to think that it will never ever happen. Unless…, well, how much do you think I’d have to pay Clive to fan me? And, do you think it’d be extra for the Elizabethan garb?

As I was saying…. At the very least, I NEED a vacation. Would LOVE to go to some remote island. Where it’s sunny. And, there’s ocean.

Since I’ll be nursing for a year, this can’t happen till the Fall, at least. But, I think I’m serious about it. I think I need it. I think it’ll make me happy. Life’s short. I need a REAL break. And a tan. I could really use a tan. And a haircut (must book appointment tomorrow…).

In the meantime, I put way too much pressure on myself, and I’m convinced that THIS is exactly what’s getting to me. I put pressure on myself to be the perfect mom, perfect wife — I mean, amid all the chaos that is MY LIFE, I made THIS today? Like, excuse me?:

I really need to take a food photography class because my food always looks like vomit in pictures. Kind of like my nose…. Anyway, that’s cornflake-crusted chicken and rice with vegetables. I stood there with SORE FEET and VAJEEJEJEJEEEEJEEE baking SIX CHICKEN BREASTS.

And, yesterday, IN PRIME FUNKDOME, I made a quiche (AND the monkey loved it — of course, not realizing there was an ENTIRE package of spinach in it, mwhahahaha!):

Yes, I know. The composition of this photo is brillers. The over-buttered bread (of Josh-O), the lone knife on the plate — fancay! The burnt bit. Total brills. YUM!

….and, I’m putting way too much pressure on myself to get into shape again. Whole. Body. Aches.

So, I’m taking it easy.

I’m not going to the gym tomorrow.

No.

I’m going for a leisurely walk to work the bod AND ease the soul.

With him:

Can you believe HOW BIG??? Oh and HE ROLLED ONTO HIS TUMMY TODAY! Yay Rascal!

Then, we’ll pick up the monkey from preschool, and we’ll go somewhere FUN for all. Maybe I’ll even buy myself something…. And, maybe I’ll buy the monkey a little tea set and play tea party with her because it’s so dang freaking adorable.

Yeah. Tomorrow’s going to be a good day.

As promised….

The monkey’s been breastfeeLING the rascal!!!!! She’s got one thumb in her mouth and the other HAND DOWN HIS SHIRT. OY!:

Oy, CHIN!

Monkey to Josh-O: No. I’m NOT shaving today……..